This weekend has been pretty awful. At one point, I escaped from my house in attempt to find some peaceful solitude. I was going to write, but decided I didnt want to taint my notebook with negativity. So instead, I just sat by the creek and cried. I felt much better afterwards, but then I had to go home. That was a mistake. *sigh* I never thought I would look forward to a Monday! Nevertheless, I can't wait...
There is no point in this ramble today other than I just wanted to type something. I could explain away my weekend, but I've been trying not to reflect too hard on all that...badness. I know who I am. Thats good enough for me. So, best foot forward!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A bedtime story...
So I was talking to a friend who requested a bedtime story. The guidelines were simple. It had to involve the consumption of glue. I kind of liked what I came up with and wanted to put it someplace I wouldn't lose it. So I'll display it here for all the world to see! (Please keep in mind that it is a rough, informal draft that was really only intended as a joke and sent via AIM. ...There aren't even paragraphs! lol)
Lily awoke to the sound of someone crying. Though she was merely five, she was brave and ventured off to her mommys room in spite of any monsters that could be curiously lurking in the dark. "Mama?" She whispered. In response all she heard was the gentle snoring of her mother. Befuddled by what she thought she heard, she sleepily sauntered back to her room. Just as she was about to crawl into her big girl bed, she heard it again. She glared around the room, but saw no one. Even the bold Lilly was becoming frightened. Tap, tap! The sound came from her window, but when she went over to check, no one was there. She opened the window and cried out, "helloooo?" There was silence for a moment and then, "It appears a star is broken." Lily could not see the speaker and was just about to run to her mother when she heard the voice again, " I didn't mean to frighten you. See, the star is wayyyyyy up in the sky and asked me to ask you for help." Lily stared out the window. "But you're a tree!" She said, "And trees dont talk!" The tree was offended. "Little girl, not only do we talk but we compose music, write poetry! We are a most sophisticated lot!" Lily did not know what sophisticated meant, but she did know what music and poetry were, and she was rather certain she had never read a poem written by a tree. "Trees dont write poems!" "Oh they dont?" The tree snarled, "Ahem! 'I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree!' Who, but a tree, would write such a thing, hm?" "Oh," Lily said. She went on, "what's wrong with the star?" The tree remembering why he got the girls attention in the first place said, "Oh yes! I nearly forgot. You see there is a star up in the sky--right over there--she's broken a point and needs help fixing it. You dont suppose you could help?" Lily pondered deeply. What could she possibly do? "I know!" She exclaimed, "I'll be right back! Dont you move a....twig." Moments later Lily returned with a bottle of Elmers glitter glue she had used on a project for Kindergarten. "Will you lift me up to the sky, Mr. Maple?" The tree outstretched his long branches into the girls window and she cautiously climbed on. In no time, the tree lifted Lily up through the sky all the way to the still sobbing star. "He--llo" Lily said timidly. Afterall, she had never spoken to a star. "Will you help me?" was the stars only response. "Oh of course! Now open wide. I've got some medicine for you." The star obeyed and opened its mouth and let Lily pour in the glue. She then wiggled the star around until its point went back into place. "Better?" she asked. The star was over-joyed. "Oh yes, much better!" With that, the star leaned in and kissed little Lily. "You looked out for me and now I'll always look after you." The tree brought back little Lily to her room, where she dose off into a sound sleep.
As the years went by she soon forgot that night, but whenever she stared out her window there was always one star, shining brighter and more perfectly than the rest right above her.
Lily awoke to the sound of someone crying. Though she was merely five, she was brave and ventured off to her mommys room in spite of any monsters that could be curiously lurking in the dark. "Mama?" She whispered. In response all she heard was the gentle snoring of her mother. Befuddled by what she thought she heard, she sleepily sauntered back to her room. Just as she was about to crawl into her big girl bed, she heard it again. She glared around the room, but saw no one. Even the bold Lilly was becoming frightened. Tap, tap! The sound came from her window, but when she went over to check, no one was there. She opened the window and cried out, "helloooo?" There was silence for a moment and then, "It appears a star is broken." Lily could not see the speaker and was just about to run to her mother when she heard the voice again, " I didn't mean to frighten you. See, the star is wayyyyyy up in the sky and asked me to ask you for help." Lily stared out the window. "But you're a tree!" She said, "And trees dont talk!" The tree was offended. "Little girl, not only do we talk but we compose music, write poetry! We are a most sophisticated lot!" Lily did not know what sophisticated meant, but she did know what music and poetry were, and she was rather certain she had never read a poem written by a tree. "Trees dont write poems!" "Oh they dont?" The tree snarled, "Ahem! 'I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree!' Who, but a tree, would write such a thing, hm?" "Oh," Lily said. She went on, "what's wrong with the star?" The tree remembering why he got the girls attention in the first place said, "Oh yes! I nearly forgot. You see there is a star up in the sky--right over there--she's broken a point and needs help fixing it. You dont suppose you could help?" Lily pondered deeply. What could she possibly do? "I know!" She exclaimed, "I'll be right back! Dont you move a....twig." Moments later Lily returned with a bottle of Elmers glitter glue she had used on a project for Kindergarten. "Will you lift me up to the sky, Mr. Maple?" The tree outstretched his long branches into the girls window and she cautiously climbed on. In no time, the tree lifted Lily up through the sky all the way to the still sobbing star. "He--llo" Lily said timidly. Afterall, she had never spoken to a star. "Will you help me?" was the stars only response. "Oh of course! Now open wide. I've got some medicine for you." The star obeyed and opened its mouth and let Lily pour in the glue. She then wiggled the star around until its point went back into place. "Better?" she asked. The star was over-joyed. "Oh yes, much better!" With that, the star leaned in and kissed little Lily. "You looked out for me and now I'll always look after you." The tree brought back little Lily to her room, where she dose off into a sound sleep.
As the years went by she soon forgot that night, but whenever she stared out her window there was always one star, shining brighter and more perfectly than the rest right above her.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Foreign (ugly) feelings
I have so many thoughts I want to write down, but not sure I can post them. Typically, I'd type away and thoughtlessly post. However, something, for some reason or another, is stopping me. I only hope that this isnt a sign that I'm growing up. If this is a sign--if my attaining some sort of fear of what people think is a sign--than I dont want to grow up. I'd much rather be a child, willing to lend myself to the world, not caring if I am accepted or rejected.
Today I feel uncertain of myself. This isnt something I typically feel. I dont like it one bit and hope this foreign feeling isnt here to stay.
**update later on**
It was only a moment. In fact, in the end I wound up feeling better than I did to start with. Isnt life strange sometimes?
Today I feel uncertain of myself. This isnt something I typically feel. I dont like it one bit and hope this foreign feeling isnt here to stay.
**update later on**
It was only a moment. In fact, in the end I wound up feeling better than I did to start with. Isnt life strange sometimes?
Monday, October 27, 2008
I am borrowed for the sky
"It'll go by quick," Mr. Rosen said to us on our first day of ninth grade. I remember not believing him. I remember sitting there thinking to myself I want out of high school and I want out now.
A year after, I sat in Mr. Gozick's tenth grade honors English and listened to him say,"Dont spend your days waiting for other days." Though I thought this was a beautiful thing to say, I dont think I fully understood it's value.
Four years later, I begrudgingly admit, that they were both correct.
Today, Oct 27th of my senior year, I was sitting in my lab assistant class with Mr. Gozick. I listened to this man lecture his tenth grade comp class. He said essentially the same thing to them that he did to me years ago. Then he said, "You probably don't understand this now, but you will. Experience allows for appreciation."
My senior year. I'll be eighteen in a few months, and graduating high school only a few short months after that. I've been waiting and waiting for that day ever since fifth grade. I'm closer than I've ever been and I could not possibly be more excited. However, looking back, I'm doing something I haven't done up until this point. I'm appreciating everything I've experienced these past almost-four years.
I would not describe my high school adventure as easy, nor difficult. The years have been divided into categories of good and bad, and though some were difficult at the time, in retrospect each year and each experience aided me in ways I could not begin to understand back then. High school, or rather life in general, has offered me beauty without expecting anything in return. My life has led me to incredible people who have taught me ideas I will carry with me forever. My life has led me to understanding and accepting things that are different from myself. Because of this and so much more, I regret not a single day of my life or even my dreaded high school episode.
I owe all of what I've become to the people I've met along the way. Teachers, the man in the bookstore, and friends--true friends, I am forever indebted to you. Though most of you will never read this, or even really know it exists, I feel the need to thank you publicly. I offer my greatest appreciation to you someplace where everyone may see just what you have done for me. Thank you. My love to you all.
My Word Sketch
The other day, I was speaking with a friend. He said (though this is out of context), "the act of reaching the sky." I realized there was no single English word for this and was saddened by the thought. I then went on to think of what reaching the sky would feel like exactly. This is what I came up with:
Ascension feels like...
Tempest-tossed tummies
striding up stairs.
Crescendo past the stars
into the cloud bazaar.
Blood, bones, body stay in place.
Your skin waits to be filled.
Breathe in someone else's body.
The earth releases you; You
are borrowed for the sky.
The photo is of me. Flying in New Zealand.
A year after, I sat in Mr. Gozick's tenth grade honors English and listened to him say,"Dont spend your days waiting for other days." Though I thought this was a beautiful thing to say, I dont think I fully understood it's value.
Four years later, I begrudgingly admit, that they were both correct.
Today, Oct 27th of my senior year, I was sitting in my lab assistant class with Mr. Gozick. I listened to this man lecture his tenth grade comp class. He said essentially the same thing to them that he did to me years ago. Then he said, "You probably don't understand this now, but you will. Experience allows for appreciation."
My senior year. I'll be eighteen in a few months, and graduating high school only a few short months after that. I've been waiting and waiting for that day ever since fifth grade. I'm closer than I've ever been and I could not possibly be more excited. However, looking back, I'm doing something I haven't done up until this point. I'm appreciating everything I've experienced these past almost-four years.
I would not describe my high school adventure as easy, nor difficult. The years have been divided into categories of good and bad, and though some were difficult at the time, in retrospect each year and each experience aided me in ways I could not begin to understand back then. High school, or rather life in general, has offered me beauty without expecting anything in return. My life has led me to incredible people who have taught me ideas I will carry with me forever. My life has led me to understanding and accepting things that are different from myself. Because of this and so much more, I regret not a single day of my life or even my dreaded high school episode.
I owe all of what I've become to the people I've met along the way. Teachers, the man in the bookstore, and friends--true friends, I am forever indebted to you. Though most of you will never read this, or even really know it exists, I feel the need to thank you publicly. I offer my greatest appreciation to you someplace where everyone may see just what you have done for me. Thank you. My love to you all.
My Word Sketch
The other day, I was speaking with a friend. He said (though this is out of context), "the act of reaching the sky." I realized there was no single English word for this and was saddened by the thought. I then went on to think of what reaching the sky would feel like exactly. This is what I came up with:
Ascension feels like...
Tempest-tossed tummies
striding up stairs.
Crescendo past the stars
into the cloud bazaar.
Blood, bones, body stay in place.
Your skin waits to be filled.
Breathe in someone else's body.
The earth releases you; You
are borrowed for the sky.
I think this year, I've managed to reach the sky.
The photo is of me. Flying in New Zealand.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Six Secrets...
Apparently, there is this marvelous thing going around. You get tagged and you have to post six secrets about yourself. Hm..
1) I think I may love a guy who is 9 years older than me.
2) Most details about me, are lies. "I read that book!" ...no I didnt. I read the back cover and decided it sounded like crap.
3) I made out with a friends ex-boyfriend months ago and still havent told her. Nor do I intend to.
4) I always have different intentions than other people, and let people assume we want the same things.
5) To an onlooker, I seem to have it pretty together...I dont, but kind of enjoy it that way. I'd never want to have things truly "together." I think it would get very boring, very quickly!
6) This isnt so much a secret as it is a fact: I love answering questions. I love sharing secrets with people and connecting with them. So if you really want to know something... Ask!
1) I think I may love a guy who is 9 years older than me.
2) Most details about me, are lies. "I read that book!" ...no I didnt. I read the back cover and decided it sounded like crap.
3) I made out with a friends ex-boyfriend months ago and still havent told her. Nor do I intend to.
4) I always have different intentions than other people, and let people assume we want the same things.
5) To an onlooker, I seem to have it pretty together...I dont, but kind of enjoy it that way. I'd never want to have things truly "together." I think it would get very boring, very quickly!
6) This isnt so much a secret as it is a fact: I love answering questions. I love sharing secrets with people and connecting with them. So if you really want to know something... Ask!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
You know those days when you get the mean reds...
I've got the mean reds. I'd explain it, but I don't think it's something you can really explain.
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.
I think that feeling of "being afraid" is really your subconscious knocking at the front door. It's that silly little notion you tucked away to be "thought about later." Only, it doesnt want to be thought about later, it wants to be thought about now! But you're trying much too hard to forget, so instead of remembering it, you become afraid of it. It haunts you saying 'think of me; remember me." But you wont...or at least, you dont. Because to remember it would mean that you would have to deal with it or risk knowing yourself to be a coward.
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.
I think that feeling of "being afraid" is really your subconscious knocking at the front door. It's that silly little notion you tucked away to be "thought about later." Only, it doesnt want to be thought about later, it wants to be thought about now! But you're trying much too hard to forget, so instead of remembering it, you become afraid of it. It haunts you saying 'think of me; remember me." But you wont...or at least, you dont. Because to remember it would mean that you would have to deal with it or risk knowing yourself to be a coward.
Today, I've got the mean reds. =/
Sunday, September 21, 2008
She's so busy being free...
Hi old friend.
No, I havent forgotten about you.
I've just been too busy, I'm afraid.
Good things mostly, though today was not so great.
I'll be back soon I promise.
No, I havent forgotten about you.
I've just been too busy, I'm afraid.
Good things mostly, though today was not so great.
I'll be back soon I promise.
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