So this isnt exactly, "tomorrow" but I forgot. So, here's "tomorrows" rant...
I hate pot. Actually, no this isnt true. Pot is alright. I hate amazing people who arent okay with being themselves. I hate strong people who choose to be weak. I hate when people choose feeling comfortable with drugs rather than feeling comfortable with friends. I hate crying over a friendship I'm not sure is going to last. ....I hate crying over you.
I miss you. You're one of my best friends. Usually, you make me feel safe and intelligent; Important and capable. But, at the moment, you just make me feel bad. I feel bad because I pretended to be okay with it. And I feel bad because afterwards I ignored you and then I yelled at you. But mostly I feel bad because we're not together. The three of us, the Creamy Council...we're not together. You and I are not together because drugs stand in the way. You and her arent together for the same reason.The other one and myself are not together because we just had a fight over how to deal with you. ...We've never had a fight before. Please please please realize that drugs dont just fuck you up. They fuck everything and everybody up. ....I miss you.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
All rain is useful
I don't really have much to say but I havent posted in awhile, so I figured what the hell.
So some of the best advice I've ever gotten is "all rain is useful." It has yet to apply to my actual life but I feel it is something I need to carry with me because one day I will need it. I don't know why I say that, other than the fact that it was just floating about my head all day. I had a horrible day, but...it was followed by a marvelous night, so its okay.
On second thought, I do have something to say, but I am far too happy and far too sleepy to go into a rant about disappointing people. You know those beautiful, brilliant people who suffer from too much boredom and then risk their brilliance on something as stupid as drugs??? Well, I'll save that rant for tomorrow.
Well...all rain is useful<3
So some of the best advice I've ever gotten is "all rain is useful." It has yet to apply to my actual life but I feel it is something I need to carry with me because one day I will need it. I don't know why I say that, other than the fact that it was just floating about my head all day. I had a horrible day, but...it was followed by a marvelous night, so its okay.
On second thought, I do have something to say, but I am far too happy and far too sleepy to go into a rant about disappointing people. You know those beautiful, brilliant people who suffer from too much boredom and then risk their brilliance on something as stupid as drugs??? Well, I'll save that rant for tomorrow.
Well...all rain is useful<3
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A life worth living
So after a long night of Gilmore Girl watching and singing with my mom I'm ready to write...
The basics:
New Zealand was incredible. We did so much that I cant even begin to explain. The scenery was the most beautiful in the whole world, I swear by it! The adventures were unbeatable. The people too incredible for words. It was just fantastic. I guarantee that in 20 years I will still say that its the best place ever.
My revelations:
The most important one is this-that you will never understand my revelations. I could explain them with more adjectives then you thought possible and go into details that would make you weep, but you'd never "get them" In order to understand what I now understand you'd have to be in the middle of nowhere dancing on a bridge over the bluest water, surrounded by the greenest trees looking out at beautiful snow capped mountains. And even then, you'd realize something completely different.
But, for arguments sake: Life sucks. At times, it feels like just one hardship after another. Sometimes, you wonder if you'll even survive another day. Some of us don't. However, those of us that do are greeted every morning by the sun. Every single bloody day is another chance for life to improve, and one day it will. Then, years later, you'll look back and think wow, its almost laughable now, because you learned just how strong you are to have survived such hardships. Thats what I did while I was in New Zealand. I laughed. I laughed because I could, because no one in the entire world could stop me. Life. Is. Beautiful. I say it so much its lost a lot of its edge, but I promise its the truth. Life is beautiful not because it weakens you, but because it strengthens you. It pushes you to the point of exhaustion. But, if you don't let it break you, then it wont...because it can't.
Me trying to explain any of this to you is useless. Thats another thing I realized on my trip. In the beginning of The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde's prologue says that "All art is quite useless." When I originally read this I don't think I understood it. Then once I "understood" it, I didn't like it. But now, I get it. I don't just "understand" it, I GET it. It means that for billions and billions of years people-artists-have been trying to capture life. But, how can you capture something that abstract? And why would you want to capture something that beautiful? To capture something so incredible as the embers dying out in a fire, someone making love for the first time, someone parachuting from a plane, or even someone dying...if you could capture something that incredible then what would be the point of living at all? Its the fact that you and only you can truly experience these things that makes life useful, and art...quite useless. Quite useless... like everything I'm saying now.
On the plane ride home I watched American Beauty for the first time, and I find it necessary to quote it now--
"Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
The basics:
New Zealand was incredible. We did so much that I cant even begin to explain. The scenery was the most beautiful in the whole world, I swear by it! The adventures were unbeatable. The people too incredible for words. It was just fantastic. I guarantee that in 20 years I will still say that its the best place ever.
My revelations:
The most important one is this-that you will never understand my revelations. I could explain them with more adjectives then you thought possible and go into details that would make you weep, but you'd never "get them" In order to understand what I now understand you'd have to be in the middle of nowhere dancing on a bridge over the bluest water, surrounded by the greenest trees looking out at beautiful snow capped mountains. And even then, you'd realize something completely different.
But, for arguments sake: Life sucks. At times, it feels like just one hardship after another. Sometimes, you wonder if you'll even survive another day. Some of us don't. However, those of us that do are greeted every morning by the sun. Every single bloody day is another chance for life to improve, and one day it will. Then, years later, you'll look back and think wow, its almost laughable now, because you learned just how strong you are to have survived such hardships. Thats what I did while I was in New Zealand. I laughed. I laughed because I could, because no one in the entire world could stop me. Life. Is. Beautiful. I say it so much its lost a lot of its edge, but I promise its the truth. Life is beautiful not because it weakens you, but because it strengthens you. It pushes you to the point of exhaustion. But, if you don't let it break you, then it wont...because it can't.
Me trying to explain any of this to you is useless. Thats another thing I realized on my trip. In the beginning of The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde's prologue says that "All art is quite useless." When I originally read this I don't think I understood it. Then once I "understood" it, I didn't like it. But now, I get it. I don't just "understand" it, I GET it. It means that for billions and billions of years people-artists-have been trying to capture life. But, how can you capture something that abstract? And why would you want to capture something that beautiful? To capture something so incredible as the embers dying out in a fire, someone making love for the first time, someone parachuting from a plane, or even someone dying...if you could capture something that incredible then what would be the point of living at all? Its the fact that you and only you can truly experience these things that makes life useful, and art...quite useless. Quite useless... like everything I'm saying now.
On the plane ride home I watched American Beauty for the first time, and I find it necessary to quote it now--
"Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A brief greeting
Hello! Bonjour! You were all missed.
Well, terribly sorry I did not write while I was away, but I never got to a computer. And terribly sorry it took me a week after being home to sit down to this thing. Well, I have a lot to say, but unfortunately I'm not in the mood to say it, so it shall wait. I just didn't want to go much longer without updating. We are creatures of habit, after all, and this is not a habit I wanted to break.
So, I will update (soon) about my learnings in the New Land of Zea, but not tonight. For I am far too quirky. =]
Well, terribly sorry I did not write while I was away, but I never got to a computer. And terribly sorry it took me a week after being home to sit down to this thing. Well, I have a lot to say, but unfortunately I'm not in the mood to say it, so it shall wait. I just didn't want to go much longer without updating. We are creatures of habit, after all, and this is not a habit I wanted to break.
So, I will update (soon) about my learnings in the New Land of Zea, but not tonight. For I am far too quirky. =]
Friday, July 6, 2007
I bid adieu..
Well, this is the last time I'm going to get to write in here before I leave on the greatest adventure mankind has ever known! Okay, well...I may be exaggerating a wee bit, but 5 1/2 weeks in Fiji and New Zealand with your best friend at age 16 isnt half bad!
I can not fucking believe this is actually happening! I was just telling my friend Josh about all the things we're doing there. We're doing everything! I mean, I dont even know what were doing while we're in Fiji, but New Zealand is the extreme sports capitol of the world! We're doing it all! (Except bungee jump...I'm not allowed, lol) And forget about what I'm doing physically! What about the mental development while I'm there? There is no possible way for me to come back the same way I left. This trip is going to change me forever. I can only hope that it is the most positive change imaginable.
And I plan to write everyday! A story, a poem, a recap of what we did that day, anything! I need to write my brains out while I am there! That way I'll have some good stuff to post on here ;]
Okay, well...I'm going to miss you guys like crazy. If I get on the internet while we're there I'll try to post something so keep checking up, alright? I love you all. Have a great couple of weeks! And, "Go be awesome!!!"
See you all Aug. 13th!
I can not fucking believe this is actually happening! I was just telling my friend Josh about all the things we're doing there. We're doing everything! I mean, I dont even know what were doing while we're in Fiji, but New Zealand is the extreme sports capitol of the world! We're doing it all! (Except bungee jump...I'm not allowed, lol) And forget about what I'm doing physically! What about the mental development while I'm there? There is no possible way for me to come back the same way I left. This trip is going to change me forever. I can only hope that it is the most positive change imaginable.
And I plan to write everyday! A story, a poem, a recap of what we did that day, anything! I need to write my brains out while I am there! That way I'll have some good stuff to post on here ;]
Okay, well...I'm going to miss you guys like crazy. If I get on the internet while we're there I'll try to post something so keep checking up, alright? I love you all. Have a great couple of weeks! And, "Go be awesome!!!"
See you all Aug. 13th!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Exciting Time to be Alive
her3ticmind: what the hell do you do when you're not sleeping
her3ticmind: it's probably kinda dark out and either early or late to do anything!
Magix Evrywhere: read? write? sketch?Think?
Magix Evrywhere: go for a walk? observe the night?
her3ticmind: of course. how can I forget
her3ticmind: you're one of those weirdos.
=] Yes. I am one of those weirdos. One of those weirdos who respects and admires the beauty of the world she lives in and life itself? Referring back to that wonderful movie, Waking Life....I mean this is the most exciting time we could have ever hoped to be alive. I realize it doesn't always seem like that, but it is. Simply because we are right here, right now. Because we are filled with energy that can be turned into sooo many useful things, like passion. Of course, passion can start war, but it can also end it. Passion can pretty much start or end anything. But here, I digress. The point is, we're on the brink of so many technological and scientific advances. So yes, there is your excitement. But lets forget that for a moment shall we? What about the one thing thats truly remained consistent through out the years? What about nature? Isnt it terribly exciting to walk outside and make your way through the yellow haze look up and see a rainbow? Of course it is!
For this I am greatful. So...bite me =P
I feel so young and old at the same time. Old at mind; Young at heart. ...and 16 physically, but we'll ignore that part. =D
=] Yes. I am one of those weirdos. One of those weirdos who respects and admires the beauty of the world she lives in and life itself? Referring back to that wonderful movie, Waking Life....I mean this is the most exciting time we could have ever hoped to be alive. I realize it doesn't always seem like that, but it is. Simply because we are right here, right now. Because we are filled with energy that can be turned into sooo many useful things, like passion. Of course, passion can start war, but it can also end it. Passion can pretty much start or end anything. But here, I digress. The point is, we're on the brink of so many technological and scientific advances. So yes, there is your excitement. But lets forget that for a moment shall we? What about the one thing thats truly remained consistent through out the years? What about nature? Isnt it terribly exciting to walk outside and make your way through the yellow haze look up and see a rainbow? Of course it is!
For this I am greatful. So...bite me =P
I feel so young and old at the same time. Old at mind; Young at heart. ...and 16 physically, but we'll ignore that part. =D
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Banter of No Importance
UPDATE- 15 days 'til I leave for New Zealand.
So. Schools out. I miss it. I hate not being in a learning environment. But I suppose in 15 days it wont matter much. I mean the entire point to this venture is to learn, ne-cest pas?
Confession: Now that its getting closer, I'm begining to have those stupid last minute doubts. What if something goes wrong? What if its boring? What if my dad is right and I really WILL miss him and everyone else? (<- This one is pointless to think because its NOT going to happen! Except mommy and Jack. I'll miss them terribly.) I'm certainly not regretting the trip or even considering not going or anything of the sort!!!! But, I'm just getting nervous. Its expected, I suppose. Banter: I'm in the mood to think, but I'm mildly brain dead at the moment. Like, I sat down to write and I'm feeling empty. Don't you HATE that? As a rule, my mind is working so fast I can not keep up! I usually lose whatever it was I was thinking about before ever getting a chance to truly grok it, but now I'm just..empty. No thoughts. No poetry. No life.
Clearly, I have gotten lost in the dull-droms(sp?) somewhere. Thus, this entire post can be summed up in one syllable... "ick" Okay, this is irritating me now. I'm going to dream...I'm going to be inspired. Oh--a thought! Why dreams are important:
.....I think dreams are like gasoline. We need them. They are what keep our minds running--like cars. People who coast around on an empty tank do just that; Only coast. It is the dreamers who ride down the autobahn.
Contemplate later when mind decides to function.
OH! and...I MISS GOZICK!!!!
So. Schools out. I miss it. I hate not being in a learning environment. But I suppose in 15 days it wont matter much. I mean the entire point to this venture is to learn, ne-cest pas?
Confession: Now that its getting closer, I'm begining to have those stupid last minute doubts. What if something goes wrong? What if its boring? What if my dad is right and I really WILL miss him and everyone else? (<- This one is pointless to think because its NOT going to happen! Except mommy and Jack. I'll miss them terribly.) I'm certainly not regretting the trip or even considering not going or anything of the sort!!!! But, I'm just getting nervous. Its expected, I suppose. Banter: I'm in the mood to think, but I'm mildly brain dead at the moment. Like, I sat down to write and I'm feeling empty. Don't you HATE that? As a rule, my mind is working so fast I can not keep up! I usually lose whatever it was I was thinking about before ever getting a chance to truly grok it, but now I'm just..empty. No thoughts. No poetry. No life.
Clearly, I have gotten lost in the dull-droms(sp?) somewhere. Thus, this entire post can be summed up in one syllable... "ick" Okay, this is irritating me now. I'm going to dream...I'm going to be inspired. Oh--a thought! Why dreams are important:
.....I think dreams are like gasoline. We need them. They are what keep our minds running--like cars. People who coast around on an empty tank do just that; Only coast. It is the dreamers who ride down the autobahn.
Contemplate later when mind decides to function.
OH! and...I MISS GOZICK!!!!
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