Wednesday, May 30, 2007

After the glitter fades...

Well, today Kristina said she was ready for another entry and I'm truly ready to give her one.

Tonight was the best night of my life.
Yes, better then Wicked....Yes, better then the Kenny Loggins concert.
(lol, well I'm not sure about that. Those were great times, but its up there)

Tonight Carpe Veritas (the Philosophy Group) met at my house "to watch a movie". That was the intention, but thats not what happened. You see, Shannon Krizzni-my favorite person in the whole world. My best friend and my mentor- is leaving for Ireland for the summer. So, when they got here and after "Aint no mountain high enough" turned off and the candle on her good bye cake was blown out, we decided to blow off the movie. A little raspberry vodka later, we just wound up taking pictures and talking and wearing funny hats. These girls-Shannon, Becky, Alicia, Sarah and Sarah-are the best people I've ever met. I've never fit into the circle of people at my school but I fit into our little octagon thing. All of us do.

On a sadder note: Shannon leaving? One of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I know this is fate throwing me to the wolves saying "okay, survive on your own for 3 months" (one of those months being in a foreign country) but am I ready? Its so funny, Shannon has a mentor, and she is my mentor, and I'm other peoples mentors and so on and so forth. The beautiful thing is that one anonymous person said something and that something echoed through the ears and through the years and 10 minutes ago Shannon said it to me and in 2 days I will say it to someone else and then they'll say it to someone else. But with Shannon gone, how is this beautiful, remarkable chain supposed to continue? How is life supposed to continue without me hearing words of wisdom? Am I supposed to make it up? Well, I guess so. I have to admit, as terrifying as that is, its so exciting as well. Shannon leaving just amplifies the greatness of New Zealand. Can I do *this* by myself? Can I survive without the love of my beautiful mother? The inspirational words of my terrific mentor? I realize I dont have my teachers during the summer, but that doesnt mean they arent with me. This summer is going to be REALLY hard with all the great teachers I had this year. I mean, can I accomplish anything without Ms. Cochran's constructive criticism or Mr. Gozick's reassuring smile and kind words? No one understands why I need New Zealand, but I promise you, I NEED it. I need it, because I need to see if I can survive without all of these incredible people I've been blessed with. ...Especially my mom. I've never been away from her for more then a week. Now 5 weeks and 2 days? damn. I mean, even you're a blessing.
I dont believe in God. But I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason and that everything happens for a reason. I believe that I need every single one of you because you are my inspiration. You are my reason to live and strive for greatness. I want to change the world because of you. Because you all deserve the best. The absolute best.
I know I bitch and complain sometimes about how "things suck" and "I hate people", etc. But things dont suck, they never have and they never will because even in hardship-especially in hardship- opportunity to learn presents itself. And thats how I become a better person. And yes, people have their moments of pure suckiness. But for every 10 ignorant assholes I encounter, I meet one person-just one-who leaves me feeling elated when they leave the room. They remind me that people really are wonderful and worth living for. really is beautiful. You really are beautiful.

Well, I can rant for days (BELIEVE ME) but I believe Stevie Nicks said it best...

"Even though the living is sometimes laced with lies

its alright
the feeling remains even after the glitter fades"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Bit 'o bullshit; Bit 'o dilemma

This is for Kristina Esopo!!!! =D ('cause she's my only reader.)

So I'm writing a short story in Creative Writing and I'm absolutely in love with it so far. I think when its done, I'll post it on here.

(almost)48 days 'til I leave for New Zealand!

So, I'm very annoyed by my most recent English assignment. Its based on Henry 4th part 1. We have to write what hinders us from "becoming" us. The problem is, is that I've done this so many times before. Now that should make it easy, n'est-ce pas? Nope! A few years ago I started doing self-evaluations. I have entire notebooks full of them! And whatever I didn't like, I would change. Now, I'm so content with who I am. Even my faults, I love. Any faults I'm left with....well....I wouldn't change them for the world. (Even if they do get me in trouble sometimes. e.g. my inability to keep my mouth shut) THIS IS ME! I cant be much more me, then this! ...I have nothing to write about. =/

Resolution yet to come!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Oh, Butterfly!

I love butterflies. They start life off as little fuzzy, worm like creatures. But they change. They go through metamorphosis, just like people. They forgo harsh weather and predators, but in they end they are so beautiful. THIS is why I call people butterflies. 'Cause we're not all that different...

*posted at a later time and date* ya know, I really do connect to the butterfly. I dont know if anyone else does this, but I am constantly going through metamorphosis. That butterfly right there? Yes, thats me-this summer

Sunday, May 6, 2007


I don't have much to say. No intense psychological thoughts, or even pointless bitching. Just bleh. Feeling melancholy, I guess. I should channel this and go paint or write...which is what I think I'm going to do.