Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Not an Educator; A Teacher

Yesterday, I had a wonderful day and a terrible night.
Today, I had a terrible day and a wonderful night.

While yesterday was probably the more "fun filled" day, I learned nothing, except that which I already knew. Today, I learned a lot. I learned to have patience with people; Especially the people you love. A very wise man told me that you only have so many emotions to give. When a person is overwhelmed they frequently give more emotion towards certain people hoping to alleviate the problem and to just have patience because right now, you may not need that persons emotions as much as someone else might.

Then, a very wise woman taught me the art of perseverance. She was right; I am not a quitter. I've never believed in giving up, why should I now? Just because something becomes difficult doesn't mean I have to abandon it. It means I have to work even harder. Albeit, I do not know the greatness of the external award, but the internal award would be enough. Knowing that I made this extraordinary woman proud of me, would be more than enough.

Finally, I learned that a lot of people suck. A LOT! But if you look hard enough there are ALWAYS a few people who will stand out amongst the crowd. They will do good in the world, and teach you many things if you're only open to their teachings.

"A master can tell you what he expects of you.
A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations."

Patricia Neal

C.G. & M.C.
Thank you

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I appologize for this...

I don't like spewing typical teenage bullshit. I think its a waste of time, usually. However, tonight I'm very angry with my mom, so here it goes.

Now, I love my mom. She is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I remember when I was little I would wake up when I heard her getting ready for work and go in and lay down on the bathroom floor to watch her do her make up in the mirror. I've always wanted to be just like her. Lately, though, she's been really mean. Just mean. I think she's going through menopause or something. Today 2 friends and myself decided to go swimming in a lake around the corner from my house. When I got home she asked why we were wet and I told her not thinking she'd have a problem with it. She called me dirty. I'm dirty because I went swimming in a lake. She didn't mean dirty as in covered in dirt, she meant trashy. Then she was going out and I asked her to pick me up a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream because I was craving it really badly. She said "I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but you don't need it." ... I'm not fat. I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat. I'm a medium shirt and a size 8 or 10 pants. She also thinks because my brother gets A's and B's in 4th fucking grade, that he's smarter than me. Well, I got A's and B's in 4th grade as well. Hell, I got them all the way up until 7th grade when I learned the definition of "lazy" and stopped doing my work. That does NOT mean I still don't raise my hand to answer every bloody question. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SPEAKS AT ALL DURING MY ENGLISH CLASS! The rest of them are completely oblivious. I WANT TO BE A FUCKING TEACHER. But apparently, I'm a fat, dirty idiot and I don't deserve to live.

I miss snuggle time and watching my mommy put make up on her face (that to me was absolutely perfect with or without it.) Fuck it, I just miss my mommy.

Monday, March 26, 2007

oh, sadness

So this is a new blog, because I ran into problems (in other words, couldn't remember my password or the e-mail address I used) so this is new.

Complex, mind boggling thoughts coming soon! =D

...Yes, my ego is the size of a small planet.

Calling all Humanity

Today, this message only applies to people with a heart. People with passion, courage and conviction. To those people: I dare you to click here I dare you to be the change and to make a difference.

Yeah, thats really all I have to say today.

Old to New

I have this friend. The day we met we became instant best friends. He was my favorite person in the whole world, and I his. *time goes by* and we go out(STUPID MISTAKE!). We break up, hate each other, are best friends again, then hate each other again. Complicated? A bit. Keep up. So anyway, we're on speaking terms and have been for awhile. We've been trying to rekindle our friendship with little success. But tonight I told him about how annoying it was that I could not trust him and I had something to tell him. We spent about twenty minutes trying to come up with a solution. (Yes, we are both very stubborn) I said that I am not very good at just letting things happen, because I am afraid that if I do not make it happen, it wont. He only responded, "just let it". So I did. I am usually someone who trusts everyone, but due to past experiences, I found it difficult to trust him. But I put that aside, and told him what I was going to tell him.

I am not disappointed. In fact, just the opposite. I feel almost elated. Its that hopeful cliffhanger at the end of a story. Its not saying that everything is okay. It is only saying that it will be...

Truth by Advertisement

So, here's something real. (Finally)

How do trends such as "preppy" or "emo" get started? Advertisement, right? A band with a whiny lead singer become popular and next thing you know people are wearing jeans that are too small and cutting themselves. Well, emo was a great profit maker. However, when they realized that their consumers were killing themselves they knew they needed something knew. Thus, Hollister came out with the Live Your Life dealy. Now, you needn't be a scholar to know that this is a much safer trend. Not to mention it will get people to see the meaning of life and enjoy it more...right? Nope! Guess again! Its only a trend, nothing more. And no matter how many t-shirts, bags, or accessories you have that say Life Your Life that does not mean you are going to actually go out and do it. However, it does still get the message out there and brings down the suicide ratings. So my question for everyone is...

Is it okay to give someone the truth in a fake way?

I am the Pen

Well, I am kind of tired, but know I need to get into the habit of posting on this thing. Thus, this will be yet another pointless post. Though one day, when the mood strikes, I promise I will put up a real post. But not today.
I already put up one of my favorite poems by someone else, so...I guess its time to put up some of my own work, huh? Well lets see...
As a rule, I write on a more serious note. I guess I would call myself a modern transcendentalist. (Not New Age...its different!!! =P ) This, however, is atypical of my usual writing; I like it anyway. So here it is in all its comedic glory, I am the Pen.

Jen asked James if she could borrow me.
My inferior had become dull and was no longer useful.
So James reached into his black bag,
Pulled out a smaller bag and grabbed me.

From his rough boyish hands,
to her smooth scented ones I went.
She placed me in her lustrous locks
for just a moment as she thought.

I was held idle for what seemed like forever.
So anxious I was to spill my black ink
onto that boring page!
People are nothing but vessels for my greatness.

I am the poet.
I am the artist.
I am the creator.

Jen's hand is in motion!
She moves me from head to page!
I feel my ink poor out.
Beautiful strokes explode from my tiny point.

The period nears, I can feel it!
Then she slowly but surely uses me
to dot and end the sentence.
I no longer thirst for that climatic experience.

I am the poet.
I am the artist.
I am the creator.
I am the pen.

Crap above written by yours truly.
(This is really just a draft. So yes, I know its imperfect. All the same, comments welcome.)

Starting Anew

Well, over the weekend we had a surprise party for my grandmother. My amazing cousin and his wife (and about 60 other people who do not matter at the moment) came. Cousin (AKA: Mike, but he needs a nickname. Until then...its Cousin) and I spoke. He told me to "Be digital". Now, I am the least digital person in the world. Technology gives me a headache. However, his reasoning seemed logical, so hell, why not. He also insisted that I create a blog (other than myspace) here it is.
I haven't a clue how to start this, but I guess I'll start with a story from my dear friend Mr. e.e. cummings.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

This is only the prologue in our story. Chapter one...well, thats for another day =D