Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Its only life after all<3

"But oh how I loved everybody else when I finally got to talk so much about myself" --Dar Williams
...THAT is the reason everyone should keep a blog. =]

ANYWAY...well, first I need to state (for confessional purposes) that this past week or so has been...interesting? Illegal and plain ol' bad. lol.

Okay, so my thoughts of the day are as followed:

-First day without Shannon. Miss her already =/

-I think that this year has been wonderful for me. Everything that needed to happen (good and bad) has happened. I feel like because of this year, meaning; the people I've met, all the things I've experienced..because of all of it, I am a better person. I feel different now then I did in the begining of the year. Ya know, on your birthday people always say "Well, how does it feel to be 16?" usually stare at them and smile politely for lack of anything else to say? Well, I can honestly say it feels different to be 16.
This year I learned something I didnt know existed: PATIENCE. I dont know how it happened, and I dont remember it happening, but it did. I've learned to wait for people to come to you instead of confronting them. Today, a friend was complaining about how another friend is keeping a secret from her. And I remember being in seventh grade and freaking out about that. IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD, right? nope. Not even just means that some people like there privacy and if they want to talk...they will. I mean, I certainly have no personal experience with the concept being as open as I am, but thats me. I think its relieving to tell people things...but, I guess not everyone thinks like that. And, thats okay.
I've always been "okay" with people who are "different". But, I've never had personal experience with it. I was just okay with it because I had no reason not to be. But, that has been put to the test and I officially feel assured in my calling myself liberal. I'm not racist. I'm not sexist. I'm not homophobic. I'm a member of the human race and so are all of you, no matter what. So what difference does it make what color your skin is or who you sleep with?
I think one of the most important things I've learned this year is that no matter how alone you feel, you're never alone. Ever. There is an estimated 6,602,224,175 people in the world. You're going to tell me that out of that many people there is not one person who understands you? Who connects with you and is willing to feel your pain with you, and love with you and laugh with you? Being "awkward" I know I've felt alone before. But this year? I got to meet and get to know some of the most amazing people ever. People who understand every bit of insanity that spews from my mouth. I really got to spend some quality time with Shannon (I hope she's having fun), and Becky and Sarah. I met Sarah Meehan who is one of the coolest most respectable people I've ever met. Alicia, Philip and myself have become hopelessly close and formed a bond no one else could understand. (or would want to for that matter). Mr Gozick, who along with being physically beautiful, has the most beautiful soul I've ever encountered. Every time I speak to him I learn something. Albeit, something small or life altering. Mrs. Cochran has become almost a mother to me. Or at least my conscience. If I succeed at something she's the first person I tell and if I fail...well, I either go to her for advice or try to hide it from her so she wont yell at me. Jelly, who has given me the pleasure of being one of her trustees. Emily Carroll, a beautiful person with an amazing flare for creativity. Kristina Esopo who takes on everyones burdens in spite of her own. Alicia Sarcone who just allows me to be a bitch and painfully honest when I want to be. Josh, who on top of being absolutely adorable is an inspiration. ....Damn. This list is long. My god, there are soooo many more. But, I'll stop the list here because I have more to say. The sad thing is, is that I dont even know if these people can fathom what they've done for me. They're so beautiful. Everyday, they inspire me and there are no words for how grateful I am to have them grace my life.
My "year" started the day school got out. I had the most amazing summer (so far...though this upcoming one will be better) I spent it with some awesome people. Then school started and I met more amazing people and amazing things kept happening. Months later brings us up to date and I dont regret a single day of it. (yes, even last friday or monday!) I look at the people in my life and the circumstance I've had to overcome and the things I've been blessed with...has there ever been a luckier person than I? Ever? Well, I really dont think so. (lol, my brother just stomped by..he's angry. But he wont be....'cause in 6 years he'll be sitting at a computer screen writing the same thing, because he is an outstanding kid. I dont even have to bother saving the world because if I dont, I know he will.) Anyway, I think I'm out of things to say. I mean, I have to admit I sat down in a decently icky mood, but after thinking...whats to be upset about? Listen, my life isn't perfect. Its SOOOOO far from. My brother, my mom, my nana, myself...we were kicked out of her house and lived in my aunts basement for 3 months. Half my family on my moms side doesn't talk to the other. My dads side of the family...they're all horrible people honestly (except my dad..he's a good guy) I had "the freshmen disease" really badly. I spent a good portion of my life, thats not perfect. But, thats okay. Infact, thats wonderful. Just because that stuff happened doesn't mean I regret a second of it. If it wasn't for all of this (and so much more) would I be who I am? Probably not. To quote my wonderful friend Josh, "All rain is useful." And yes...its true.
I realize this is a long entry, but I just have one more thing to say. Thank you. This thank you is to everyone in the list above, and to everyone I left out--because...

"The best thing you've ever done for me,

is to help me take my life less seriously,
its only life after all"
-Indigo Girls-

Oh, P.S. Though I miss her...I know I'll be okay without her. Have an amazing time in Ireland, and I'll do the same in New Zealand. Love you Shannon Krizzni aka Captain Shadow.<3 See you in the fall.

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